(L)ustworthy

The fight to honor your wife in a sexualized world.

There’s no harm in looking right?

Wrong.

There’s no harm in seeing. Perhaps someone walks in a door, or an unexpected ad flashes across the screen, but looking implies that you saw and are now observing, dwelling on the sight, taking it in.
Looking is the root of lust.

In today’s hyper-sexualized world, it’s nearly impossible to watch any form of entertainment, or go out in public without seeing something that will cause you to turn your head unless you remain disciplined enough to keep your eyes straight ahead.

Early in our marriage, even while we were dating, I made a commitment to my wife with this verse as a basis. My eyes would only be for her. To really put that into practice so that she felt like my eyes were only for her, and not just empty words I spoke, I began taking intentional actions depending on the situation.

If a scantily clad young woman walked near our booth at a restaurant, I kept my eyes fixed on my wife and carried on our conversation.

If we were watching a movie together that was leading to a steamy situation (which happens a lot in rom-coms apparently), or if there were risque overtones and too much skin being shown on some television show (my wife likes the occasional reality show with roses and romance, dancing with ex-famous people, Dr. Boob Job, or Law and Order “Sexual” Victims Unit) then I would either close my eyes until the situation passed, leave the room, or read a book.

Typically now though, she is careful as well about what we allow in our home out of respect for me and to protect our boys. The point is – I’m not looking.

I remember just a couple of years ago, we were over at someone’s house enjoying friends and food at a Super-bowl party. Then it comes. The half-time show. It starts out pretty innocent and entertaining, but then a wardrobe change and now J-Lo is wearing less cotton than the inside of a Tylenol bottle. I’m sitting beside my wife, put my head down, and stare at the floor. No fuss made. No attention drawn to myself. Just a simple action for my wife to know that I honor her.

When you are in a situation you can’t control, you can control your actions within it. I couldn’t change the channel in someone else’s house. I could’ve gotten up and walked into another room, or said something about it, but I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable and I was there to enjoy time with friends – with my wife. So, I decided to stay sitting beside my wife and discreetly look away.

As men, I feel that this is a vital commitment we have to make for the well being of our family, to honor our wife, to be accountable, and frankly to overcome lust. As a teen and young adult – high school and college years – I really struggled with this commitment to not look lustfully at a young woman. Today, I don’t even shop for bikinis or bath robes on Amazon for my wife, just to avoid the chance of seeing another woman wearing it.

I have found that this commitment must be made boldly, and kept vigilantly. If I feel like I need to go to an extreme in order to ensure that my eyes are only for my wife, then so be it. I made a vow to her, before God. You may remember vowing it yourself…“Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep yourself only to her as long as you both shall live?”

Temptations are increasingly more rampant today, and even more overt things like pornography are too readily available for young men to be shaped by before they are ever in a relationship. These things distort a healthy view of sex. They dishonor the people involved (especially women), and they create neural pathways of pleasure that can never be satisfied by a living breathing human with self-respect. There are kids today needing a little blue pill before they make it out of college because of over-exposure to hyper-sexualized content and false assumptions about what is pleasurable.

There are apps and other tools available to keep you accountable on electronic devices. Personally, I use one called “Covenant Eyes” and a report is sent to my Pastor daily. Allow your wife to see intentional effort that you honor her and your marriage by guarding what you look at.

“Well, you can’t control what people wear to the beach…” true.
But you can control where you look.

” It’s only natural…” sure, so keep those natural urges for your wife.

A fruit of the Holy Spirit working in our lives –
something evident – is self-control.
Even when your wife isn’t looking, or with you, you must forsake all others.

But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:28 NLT

Jesus said looking with lust is adultery.

Don’t give time for wrong thoughts to form, look away. If you have found the one you’ve been looking for, then what are looking for anyway? She deserves a man with eyes only for her. So does your daughter. Your wife and daughter deserve to be dignified not objectified. Make sure that you are not objectifying someone else’s. Your sons deserve to be steadfast men who see boundaries around a marriage in operation. Be the example.

I can tell you from experience it has made our relationship deeper and richer. My wife knows my natural desires, and yet she sees me honor her through intentional choices. My needs are met because she knows that she is my priority. My boys will grow up in a home that will honor the sanctity of marriage. And hopefully, will lovingly honor their wives and be an example for their children.

Practical things to remember:

• Be accountable (to your wife and/or someone else)
• Utilize tools for accountability, especially on electronic devices
• Turn your head, turn it off, or remove yourself before thoughts can form
• Remind yourself that you set the tone and example for your family
• Be intentional and make the boundaries you’ve set clear
• Close your eyes if you have to
• Be bold enough to seem foolish to other men

It doesn’t matter if you’re 15 or 55, start now.

If you’re married, guard your marriage by putting this into practice.

If you’re single, take action now to invest into your future wife and develop your character.

If you falter, remember His mercies are new everyday. And its a new day.
Pick yourself up and come to the fight stronger.

Lord, bless the marriages and homes of the men reading this. Help us all to love our wives with honor and integrity, forsaking all others and keeping ourselves and our thoughts only to her. Bless the women to desire their husbands and have grace and understanding. Help myself, and all fathers to be the example our sons and daughters need to see. May we love our wives in the same way you have loved us. In our weakness may You be made strong. In Jesus name, amen.